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If you’d rather read than watch, here’s a transcript of this week’s video:
Hi I’m Dana, and this week I wanted to talk a bit about the bedtime routine, and the number one mistake parents make when they are creating a bedtime routine. It’s a big mistake, so stay tuned!
Now, if you go to any baby site on the Web, search “my baby won’t sleep,” or whatever you’re looking for in regards to sleep, almost every single site will tell you about the importance of a bedtime routine. So will I.
I think a bedtime routine is a crucial first step in creating predictability to your baby and teaching your baby that it’s time to make that transition from day into night.
Even adults have routines. We all do things in the same order before bed every night. Without them, we would feel a little anxious or out of sorts, and it would be harder to sleep.So it definitely is important, but there is one mistake that parents make.
Most of the time people skip right over that. “Oh bedtime routine, right, next,” because we’ve heard it so much, but the biggest mistake that parents make in that is that somewhere in the routine, the baby sleeps!
For example, you’ve heard the baby should have a bath, so you’re going to do a bath, you’re going to get jammies on, you’re going to read a book maybe, and then you’re going to do a feeding. There, right there, that’s the snag.
You feed your baby to sleep, either on the breast or with the bottle.
Most people turn off the lights when its feed time, get the environment nice and cozy and comfy, and then that’s your child’s cue that it’s time to start the journey into sleep. That is where you need to make your changes.
If you nurse or bottle feed your baby to sleep and then transfer them to the crib, well you’re not going to have a baby that sleeps through the night, that’s for sure. You’re probably going to find half an hour later, 45 minutes later they are awake again, and you’ve got to start the process all over again.
Bath, great; PJs, great; feeding fine. It’s totally acceptable to feed a baby before bed. In fact, I encourage it, but keep the lights on high enough that you can watch, and don’t even let sleep start.
Again if you think of sleep as a journey, I don’t even want you to allow your baby to start the journey. Starting a journey looks like doziness, so heavy blinking, closing the eyes, opening them, anything like that is the beginning of a journey, so don’t let that start!
Keep that baby’s eyes open so that they start to realize that food is a nice lovely step in the bedtime routine, but it is not for the purpose of sleep. That comes next.
If your baby has a really strong association between eating and sleeping, I suggest you break it up with an extra step even after the feed. Feed, sit baby up on your lap, maybe read a story together after the fact, just to break that connection a little bit further and to start to teach that baby that there is no way or there is no reason to fall asleep while feeding.
Then the baby should go into the crib awake. That is how you start The Sleep Sense Program. We’ll teach you how to do that, but it’s also the number one way your baby is going to learn the skills she or he needs in order to become a great sleeper and start sleeping through the night.
So have a look at your bedtime routine. Even though you know you have one, you probably had one since the baby was born, but you probably need to make a fairly significant change to it. That is to stop feeding your baby to sleep as part of the routine. Even rocking, you might have to say goodbye to any kind of rocking in the routine as well.
All right. Give that some thought and sleep well!
My daugther is 10 days old and is a great sleeper except between the hours of 8pm and 11pm. She wakes up around 7:30 am and stays awake a little over an hr and I lay her in her crib awake and she falls asleep and sleeps. I wake her after 2 hrs to feed her (around 10:30 am). She stays awake about 5 minutes and I gently jiggle her and rub her back and feet to get her to nurse well. And, she typically stays asleep and then I wake her around 1:30 pm to feed her again and again she stays awake about 5 min. I wake her again around 4:30 to feed her and she falls asleep after about 5 min. Then I wake her around 7 pm and feed her and get her ready for bed and she sleeps from 7:20 to about 8 pm. Then she is WIDE awake and fusses if not being held til about 10pm when I feed her again and she dozes off til I lay her down and then she fusses til about 11 pm and then finally sleeps. I wake her around 2:30 am to feed her (she does not wake on her own at night) and then she sleeps til the morning. I would love to change her wide awake time to sometime during daylight hours.
I have a question about my 4 yr old. I’m not sure if you can help but I really need some answers! Most days he won’t have a day sleep. Then he’s so tired and going to bed at 7 or 7:30pm. Then he wakes at 3 or 4 am!! Every morning. He won’t go back to sleep, he’s awake for the day. We keep him in bed until 5:30 or 6am before he’s allowed to get up. But it means that I am awake too. So tired. Doesn’t he need more sleep than this?? And how do I get him to sleep until at least 5:30??
Hi Dana,
I followed your program and it gave us amazing results. I work full time so I do the bed time and my mom does the napping and it has worked out well. The only issue is that on the weekends that my son (six months) with us for napping, he DOESNOT want to sleep and cries like a day 1 of the sleep training. At my mom’s during the day, he goes to sleep without any issue and at night with me, he does the same…no issues…
Hi Dana,
I purchased your sleep sense program and I am really loving it. It has only been 4 days since I started and I have questions.
1. If you leave your baby at the sitters and they did’t follow your routine for naptime/bedtime, should you start the training all over again?
2. If they took a short nap and didn’t go back to sleep, should you feed them earlier or just wait till the next feeding time? I am just a bit confused on that because I know your suggestion was to keep the “wake up, feed, play” routine…
3. Should you continue key phrases after your baby has calmed down or just stop all together and stay quiet?
I was hoping to ask your during the conference call but it seems like it is not today and you don’t have a direct email (that i can find) to ask you the questions directly. So I hope you don’t mind to answer them here. Thanks
Hi Dana, I have thre kids and none have been good sleepers, often waking upto seven times a night until they got to three! My youngest is 18months . After watching your video on bedtime mistakes I think my problem developed with putting them into bed with a bottle, when I couldnt get them to settle through the night I gave them another bottle, each time I would put them down, give the bottle and walk out, they drink it and go to sleep. Never more then the one bottle though the night.
I guess my question is now, How do I break that? I have recently tried but after two weeks of screaming for two hours at bed time and then two hours through the night (sometimes more then once) I am way too exhausted as a working mum to continue. Should I keep persisting or try something new.
Thanks, Atlanta.
Hello everyone! I have a 9 month old daughter and would like to stop our one night feed. I am breastfeeding. My only concern with this is that before bed (6ish) she doesn’t seem to drink a lot and when she wakes (anytime from midnight to 3), I automatically think she must be hungry. What are your experiences with night weaning? Thank you so so much!
My Daughter is 22 months and she used to sleep through the night until she was about 6 months old. Then she started waking up about 3-4 times a night. She doesn’t stay awake for long but it is enough to disrubt her sleep. She still drinks out of a bottle and asks for it in the middle of the night. We have a good routine at night of bath, pajamas, massage, and story. She does also like to drink her bottle while she sits in my lap in the rocking chair, she also likes to hold her stuffed animal and I rock her for a couple minutes but she is still fully awake. I lay her down and say goodnight and she is just fine, I say goodnight and leave the room and not a peep, she usually gives me back the bottle as well. However, she still wakes in the night and screams for us, we check on her and at that point she will refuse to lay back down in her crib and wants to come with us back to our bed. How do I break her of these habits and get her to A) stop drinking out of her bottle and B) stay in her crib all night without a fight?
My 22 mth old boy has always been a great sleeper. But just recently is screaming going down & going back in every 10 mins is taking up to 1.5 hrs, help!!!
My sun will be 2 years old in june. Still not sleeping through the night. Need help
I also agree with all of you who said that babies need eat before bed, and through the night up to a certain age, what I am saying is that if you are having sleep challenges with your baby, the reason is most likely because you are nursing or bottle feeding your baby to sleep. If you do feed your baby to sleep, and he/she sleeps great all night, then congrats! If you don’t have a problem, then who am I to tell you to change it! I am here to help those of you who are struggling, and creating a feed/sleep association is the number one reason why a baby may not sleep well.
Dana
Hello there,
I have a bed time routine for my 7 year old and 2 year old they both go to bed at the same time they have there own bedrooms my two year old will stay in his bed all night with no problems, my 7 year old crys every night he keeps telling me he is scared and doesnt feel safe, I have him lock the door with me so he knows its lock i keep telling him he is okay, and about hour later he is in are room crying this happens all night long he will be up for several hours at a time, he is very emtional during the day, i work days and so does my husband we go to work very tired, what should we do for him.
My little boy is 2 years and 5 months… We have a bedtime routine but it could vary whether it’s bath night or not. Basically the routine consists of bath, pjs, 10-15 minutes of Super Why or Dooddlebops while drinking a glass of half apple juice/half water or milk. I give him a 10 minute warning even though he has no concept of time and then we go to his room put him in bed and kiss him good night. I wish it was that simple…. here is where the fun part… He will get up and come out of his bedroom for at least 30-40 minutes after we put him in bed and sometimes it’s even longer. He can come out 20-30 times in that time frame.
How do I break this cycle and how do I eliminate drinks in the middle of the night without waking up the whole house!
Hello there!!
I went to sleep school for this reason! (plus having to sit in my daughters room while she fell asleep!!!)
I was told to take her straight back, telling her in a neutral tone “it’s bed time Chloe. Back to bed” and taking her hand, leading her back to bed.
The more they get a rise out of you, the more fun it is. If you are boring and neutral, they get bored and eventually stop! Just keep it up and he should stop.
I think maybe even the juice could make him get up. Even though it’s watered down, he’s still consuming sugar, right before bed. Try just giving water. The salts and sugar in the juice can be making him thirsty in the middle of the night or even making him crave the juice. (I find this if I drink anything with sugar before bed!!)
I really hope this helps!
The key things are persistence (do the SAME thing every night, and persist! It will get better) and patience. Remember, the more you react, the more fun it is.
Good luck!! Xx
Hi.I made the BIG mistake of breastfeeding my son to sleep when he was small and it took me 18 months to be strong enough to get him off my breast and break the cycle of breast/sleep.Im pregnant again and do not want to make the same mistake.At what age are babies able to self settle because newborns are asleep most of the time!! ,and having made the mistake the first time,i dint really know what im going to do this time that will make a difference.thanks for any advice..
My daughter was 8 weeks prem. I tried everything for her to sleep.. She only started to sleep through when she was nearly 3 years old!! I took her to sleep school, where I had the energy and support to HELP her learn to go back to sleep. As you know, a three year old can comprehend what is going on much much more than a baby! It worked for her!
My son on the other hand, is almost three months and sleeps through the night!! He can either be fed to sleep, or put down awake! He sucks his thumb, so that’s soothing in his own way. Now I know A LOT of people are against thumb sucking, but if that’s how he feels comfortable, then so be it! I was a thumb sucker myself and it made me feel safe and content as a small child.
I do think it’s in the baby’s hands when they’re ready to sleep the 5-6 hours, that’s classed as “sleeping through”. And I have found that no matter what the time is when baby goes to sleep, they generally wake up the same time in the morning.
I’ve read some comments on here and absolutely agree that babies are not babies for long. I miss my boy waking up for night time feeds!!! They grow too quickly!
Whoops!!! I didn’t meant for it to be the reply!!!!
Haha
I followed the Dana’s advice with my first child after 10 months of little sleep. We were desperate and it did work, initially. The problem for us was that in modern life children have to be flexible and routines do sometimes get broken, also whenever our child was poorly we would back track on the techniques. The results were that we had to start all over again, but as our child got older the sleep difficulties got easier too. With my 5 month old second child I am now considering sleep ‘training’ as he has yet to sleep through, being exclusively breastfed I think that’s fairly common. However I have read a lot more this time around about the subject. My son is a very happy and content little boy, 2 or 3 times a night he wakes and us breastfed back to sleep, which he does quickly. I have read about SIDS and that waking in the night might be part of the babies natural protection from SIDS and that deeper, longer sleep for such young babies is not a natural part of their development. This does worry me when considering sleep training. I feel that when I chose to have babies that part if that decision accepted the change to my lifestyle, and a lack of sleep comes as part of that. Getting babies to sleep through the night should not benthe gold medal parents are seeking, but that their babies are being supported through all their developmental stages in the best way. I’m not decided which route to take , I’m still open minded, but I also don’t mind my son waking up for my attention if he needs me.
i totally agree with you when you say getting your baby to sleep shouldn’t be the gold medal parents are seeking, I have a 22 month old little boy and a 7 month old little girl,(yes we have our hands full). my little boy still wakes wanting and a cuddle, and so does my little girl. I refuse to let my children cry for any length of time and i certainly wouldn’t just shut the door on them. We decided to have children, so you take the rough with the smooth. I want my children to know i am there for them when they need me, and for doing this i have two very loving, caring and happy children. My advice to anyone is do what’s best for you and your situation, If your child doesn’t sleep through, so what, it just means they what to be with you so don’t push them away. Lets face it when we all carried our babies for 9 months they were getting one huge cuddle and being constantly rocked to sleep inside us. Were probably the only “animals” on the planet to give birth then push our youngsters away trying put huge pressure on ourselves to get our babies to sleep. It won’t last forever enjoy cuddling and loving your baby to sleep. time goes to quick.
Hi there
Just watched your video and everything you say is so true, im really struggling with my babys sleep routine hes 49 weeks old and still wakes 2 or 3 times a night! I always nurse him to sleep too which is a big problem but ive tried 100 times to put him in the crib awake but he has really bad ezcema so when i leave him he gets in a terrible state bright red hives all over him and scratches his skin raw, ive tried everything the doctor tells me its strees ezcema so when he gets stressed he gets covered in rashes, if you have any advice i would really appreciate it i willing to try anything for jim to start sleeping through
Thanks
Jenni
My eight year old still sleeps with me and even in his own room wakes many times
I have fed my girl to sleep for a year.. There’s no problems with her sleeping through the night and She’s able to fall asleep on her own.. She started sleeping though the night other then one feeding at 5 months then by 7 months she sleeps 10 to 11 hours straight.. she will roll around and put her self back to sleep.. realy I think you gotta judge your kid on his or her needs.. my daughter was so active ( walking at 8 months) that the doctor said she needed that middle of the night feeding then as she got better with food food she didnt anymore.. People or so eger to make their babys sleep through the night as soon as they can .. your baby in my opion will do so when ready,, my girl needed the extra bottle.. I may have not been having fun but it was what she needed.. so do what u think ur baby needs not what u do.. shes 13 months now and never wakes up for a bottle.. I can see in some cases but this would work.. but I think all of you should look at your baby and judge what u think is best.. and not forcing them into through the night sleeping.. they figure it out when they are ready
Calm down people! Dana’s advice is just like any other advice/book/website out there. Use it if you like or don’t. Trust your instincts! Take it easy!
thats all well and good but what if the baby cries constantly when you walk out of the room, also is it the right thing to let the baby cry herself to sleep as this is going too disturb other children in the family especialy older children as they need thier sleep for school etc any suggestion would be helpfull
I feel your pain jenny. I have 19 month old twins and a 3 year old. None of which sleep all night. Crying themselves to sleep is not an option. I tried…one twin threw such a fit she was throwing herself against her crib and making herself throw up…Not sure what else to do.
Hi Jenny and Jodi,
What really worked with my daughter was using the feber method to teach to self sooth, this is involves checking in on them while they cry. The evening I used it I only went in twice and she was asleep within 15 mins. You can of course use the gradual withdraw method which involves sitting with your child until they fall asleep, then the next night you sit a little further away, and as the name suggests moving a little further away over the course of some evenings ending with you sitting outside the room with the door open on the last evening, after that you can leave them to sleep alone. I’m not completely up to speed with this method but gather it can take a couple of weeks. I gather this is something that is better left until they are 6 months.
After this sleep training I have stuck a routine/schedule for the day pretty rigidly, so naps, meals at the same time every day. This has meant I’ve been tied to the house in the middle of the day for naps but I have a 2.3 year old who sleeps 12 hours+ a night and 2+ hours nap in the afternoon. I even get the odd 9am lie in. I do think sleep breeds sleep and being able to sleep well it a great skill (for both of us).
Hello Dana and team, My daughter and her husband have had a really dreadful night time lack of sleep since their baby boy was born. He is fourteen months old, is a gentle little boy, has just startde walking and is very much loved. He has never slept for more than 2/3 hours at best. Until this week she has had him in the bed with her, her husband has very often slept downstairs or on the floor so as not to disturb him. Finally, at long,long last she has got him in his own room and cot and is trying very hard to leave him to cry. it’s very early days in this and I would like to know how best to support them in this as I know it is extremely hard for them to do this and has only been accepted in desparation and my continually expressing that it’s not doing him any good either. One thing I think is that she has always been worried about overheating him because that is what all the books talk about but I often think he hasn’t been warm enough to drop off to sleep! She has relented on this and he is now in a sleepsuit but apparently he had managed to get this off this morning! he also has an allergy to milk protein, diagnosed just four months ago, she was breast feeding him until the beginning of April but had eaten dairy products herself throughout as she did not know. He has seemed marginally better now we are on top of that problem. Thanks for any advice, Sharon Pearce
Whilst I genuinely sympathise with parents who have babies that do not sleep through the night (I was one of them), I do not agree with Dana’s advice for two reasons that I would like to share. Firstly my personal experience, and secondly from a vast array of conversations with parents, common sense and a wide and extensive reading on the subject.
From personal experience I have two children who were both fed to sleep until I stopped breastfeeding. In both cases it NEVER caused them to wake in a panic shortly afterwards wanting more. In fact I have two children who sleep amazingly well, have very positive relationships with sleep and who had the luxury of going to sleep in perhaps the happiest way any of us can imagine – wrapped warmly in our mother’s arms.
Secondly it’s impossible to treat all babies with the same ‘solution’ for sleep. Each one is different, just like adults. Some of us sleep well, others not. Some of us have to be in a certain bed, with a certain pillow etc; others could sleep on a train track! To expect a young baby to sleep through easily with a few ‘techniques’ is just misleading to new parents. Make sleep as nice as you can for each different child and in whichever way you can.
From a scientific point of view the vast majority of sleep research seems to say that you cannot expect a baby to have the capacity to sleep through until a year (if they do, you are lucky).
Lastly and controversially – of those babies that do sleep through early on, many have been exposed to ‘controlled crying’ where they essentially learn to give up calling for their parents because they won’t come. Not a life lesson I wanted to pass on to a young child.
There are so many ways to parent to sleep. The simplification of the message disturbs me and I think could be misleading to parents and cause them to remove some essential comforts from children that may simply need to go to sleep whilst feeding.
You are SO right! Love this comment! Thank you
Agreed!! Sleep needs to be a pleasant experience to create good sleep in the future.. and if feeding is pleasant feed away.. if sleep becomes stressful I think u will have problems as they get much older.. I always fed my girl to sleep and she sleeps GREAT! Sleeps always been calm trusting pleasant experience. At that young of an age its more then normal for them to wake up.. The baby is ok with it.. Its the parents that aren’t ok.. We are to quick to make are baby’s not baby’s.. Give em time they learn when they are reading ..this sleep trainning and what not I keep reading ect ect … Pushing babys to be kids before they need to be.. at 5 months old in this question they still may need to feed at night.. Thats ok.. Your baby is waking up and feeding cus she or he needs it.. NOT because she is a bad sleeper… Sleeps is natural let it come that way
So agree! your baby is fine waking up at night its the parents that have a problem with it.. Don’t be so quick to make you baby wake up,, instead think of those night time feeding’s as a time to build more bonding and trust.. my girl took 8 to 9 months to sleep through the night but I let her learn to sleep through the night at her own time.. Keep Sleep pleasant and calming.. Your bay will sleep through the night when she or he is ready and If at 16 or 19 months she’s not maybe talk to your doctor for advice instaed
agree completely!
Hi Janeyfo,
may I ask a question? I just wanted to know when you stop breastfeeding then how you could send your baby to sleep with out feeding? I have a bad sleeper baby , he is 17 months and I am going to stop breastfeeding but I don’t know after that how should I send him to sleep ? this is my problem..!!!
at the moment he is waking 10 times during the night. I am not happy with cry it out method and I can not do that but I have no idea how shall i send my baby to sleep if i stop breastfeeding.
thanks
marjan (marjangoli@hotmail.com)
Hi Dana,
My daughter is 16mths old and I have pretty much breast fed her to sleep every night since she was 10 weeks old. She constantly wakes in the night and will only go back to sleep when given the breast. I now want to wean her and give up breast feeding all together but dont know how to get her to sleep any other way. Ive tried lots of other methods and given up after hours of screaming, kicking, biting and restlessness.
I have also slept beside her since she was 8 months old.
I have done day stays and a residential stay at a sleep school but saw no improvement.
Please help……
Dana do you have any kids? feeding before bedtime and as you say starting the journey is good for a baby. When you set the mood and its dark, pjs ect and a warm bottle of milk then its ok. During the day they enjoy their milk as its not dark no pjs and no mood set. I totally disagree with everything you have said. My baby sleeps beautifully having his milk before he sleeps. And as new borns they need to be fed all the time and they tend to fall asleep on the breast umm do you want us to wake them then??
Agreed!
Hi Dana,
You are 100 percent right about not feeding/nursing/rocking baby to sleep. As an experienced granny I know it is in the childs best interest to be able to relax into closing eyes and getting their self into sleep with no worries anxieties about a dummy falling out or the rocking has stopped etc. Frankly I think those methods are just conning the child into sleep and they become increasingly dependent on them. You have to establish a trusting respectful thing where baby knows they are going to be cosy ,comfortable and all right and not take the easy or dare I say Lazy option which frankly is an insult to babies’ intelligence. Oops that was a bit of a rant but as I child care worker too I have seen the outcomes for parents with older children who fight sleep .I know 2yr old & 7yr olds who wont go to sleep unless there’s a tv on all night in the room. [The same kids will waken up crying for it to be put back on should it sneakily have been switched off once they are asleep]. I gave my daughter your “sleep sense” e book and she swears it was her best ever present and it gave her the confidence to tackle bedtimes positively . Her wee 2 yr old asks to go to bed sometimes now which is surely a success and needs no more than jammies on , teeth brushed and kisses.Thank you for making it easier for her !
Grateful gran
Nice comments June, but those children might have issues that you do not understand. My son would only sleep with a TV, and still does at times. He is mildly autistic, I just did not know that when he was so little. help people, please don’t think we are all bad, we love our kids, and we are not lazy. Sites like these can be misleading, they help some, and give false hope and depression to others.
Dear Dana.
I would like to share an eight year journey with you now that I am still on, to prove that even the most dilligent and loving parent can fail, and they need to understand that not all can be solved by what others say.
My son Liam was a terrible sleeper from birth. After several sessions with sleep centres, including sleeping in at the centres with staff, I was told that I must have a problem in my marriage that was upsetting my child, and that I should snib lock his door at night and ignore his cries, no matter how long it took.
I refused to do this. Until Liam was five, I slept on his floor, let him sleep with his Dad whilst I slept on the couch, got up to him eight to ten times a night, and still somehow managed to work four days a week.
My daughter came along, and I did all the same things, she is a beautiful sleeper both day and night, no problems, so I considered I just did not know what I did wrong with Liam. I followed everything from your programmes to health nurses to my own intuition, to no avail, Liam did not sleep day or night, and had many behaviour and eating problems.
Finally, Liam was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and a severe sleep disorder. His brain does not produce enough Melatonin, and he must be medicated in high doses to fix the imbalance.
So there you go, I was not misinformed, and I did try hard enough. I did everything I was told. Some parents don’t need sleep sense, they need to see their doctor. So tell me why everyone blamed me for being a bad parent, or abusing my child. I see nowhere a statement that says, your child may have a problem, please consult a paediatrician.
Not a complaint, just for your knowlege.
Regards
Susan Altorfer (Perth Western Australia).
My daughter is 10 months old and still can’t sleep through the night. She SCREAMS the whole place down in the night. Just wants me to feed her which i now refuse to do. Have stopped feeding her to sleep but still she is not sleeping through the night. She sleeps about 9pm. Wakes up a couple of times in the night and cries upto an hour long. She then wakes 5.30am. Surely babies need more sleep than that. Will i ever get a full nights sleep?
My daughter is 9 weeks old and she is sleeping 7 hours but when she gets up to eat in the middle of the night she’s so tired she only eats about two ounces when she normally eats four. Do I turn the lights on and unswaddle her in the middle of the night for her feedings?
If she is breast fed it doesn’t matter, it’s about quality not quantity. Dont wake her up unless u need to let her sleep and expect wake ups.
Baby will only take what he/she wants. Turning on the light and unswaddling,may cause baby to cause for baby to wake fully.
What is a good time for my 5 month old baby to go to bed ?
A better question is, what time do u want them to wake up? And work from there, baby needs 11/12 hrs sleep.
My Grandson is 2 will be 3 in June. We do the bath,pj,movie or a story, then he gets his sippy and I let hiim watch his movie set the timer for 20 minutes. He does not fall asleep with his sippy, but takes it like he’s drinking a bottle. I have down to just one sippy used to be a lot more before went to sleep. So when the 20 mints are up he would like another one to put him to sleep , took some time but now before he goes to sleep he comes in the kitchen and gets a sip of milk. Then he goes right to sleep and usually sleeps all night. I just need to find a way to get rid of the sippy all together. Any advise?
Maybe try offering milk just at supper time. Tell him he can have it at supper or not at all. Its good to give options so he feels he has some control.
That’s such bull. There is NOTHING wrong with feeding to sleep, it’s 100% natural while they are young. And it has notjibg to do with very young babies waking – they wake cos they need the calories. Done along with a good routine, lovey and music/light show (or whatever works for you) it’s easy to warn off.
As they reach 6-9 months you can slowly move away from it, if you want, feeding to sleepy, then feeding before bed but putting down awake.
As for 5 month olds sttn – they are the exception NOT the norm, a parent who’s baby doesn’t sttn isn’t doing anything wrong, there isn’t anything they need to change, babies sttn when they are ready.
Why is everyone in such a hurry for babies to grow up? Enjoy the stages, even the waking every 3h ones, they don’t last forever.
Agree agree!
My 12 month old has a bottle each night before bed and falls asleep drinking it just about every night. He sleeps all night also unless sick or teething. I dont believe in so called expert advice. Every child is different and unique. What works for one baby doesnt always work for another but it doesnt make us mums wrong just because a text book says we shouldnt do it this way. There is no such thing as a text book baby and it really annoys me that so many health professionals put our kids into this catagory. I am a strong believer of do what works for you and your baby and dont let others tell you different.
I’m sorry but I don’t agree with this. However I do with everything else in your program. Through the day my now 5 month old breastfed baby puts herself to sleep however at night she likes to drink (suck and swallow not dummy sucks) until she’s in a daze and drinks the entire time with her eyes closed. She opens them when I put her in the cot and is well aware of where she is. She has slept from 7pm- 7am every night since 5 weeks old. Through the day I follow drink, play then sleep so she def doesn’t associate milk with sleep. Just wanted to say my piece.
I breastfeed my 4 month old baby to sleep and she sleeps for about 10 hours every night and has done since about 7 weeks old! I also done this with my son – now almost 3 years old!
Kirstin, I am well-educated, and I nursed my daughter for 12mos, and it was the best experience ever. I think you are misinterpreting what is being advised. Most “Healthcare” prof recommend nursing, and nursing to sleep when they are newborn (because it’s inevitable). But I don’t believe its recommended as a long-term habit. What Ms Obleman is saying is to avoid nursing them to sleep, IF you want to avoid the association of needing milk to sleep. In other words, feed your baby however you choose, just do it BEFORE they start falling asleep, so that other cues (books, loveys, etc) can help them fall asleep, not the milk. Of course, you would only follow her advice if you were looking for a way to help your child learn to fall asleep WITHOUT needing milk to sleep. The way I see it, it’s all about habits. Good luck to you :)
…I meant to conclude with:
in the end, just do what works well for you…and what you believe in. So good luck to all, in this wonderful journey of parenthood :)
Really! Coz my breastfed baby had fed to sleep since being 3weeks old and initially slept for 8hours solid and now goes through till 7ish!
Firstly breastfed babies are going to wake regardless because breastmilk is easily digested so that means they will wake 2 to 4 hours even if it is for a snack. My 5 month old sleeps for a 2 hour stretch at least before waking. Now a bottle fed baby may sleep a little longer because formula isn’t. Digested as easlily. So a bedtime that lasts all night at this age I highly doubt it.
I am a firm believer in your Sleep Sense Program….and this advice you just gave about distancing the feeding from the final Bedtime routine is so valid. To clarify your point, the feeding/nursing before bed is OK, as long as it’s not done to put them to sleep. The idea is to have specific parts of the routine (bath, PJs, books, songs, loveys, etc) be the cues for “sleepy time”, NOT the milk. That way, if they wake during the night, they don’t need the milk to get back to sleep. For example, the final part of my daughter’s bedtime routine is greeting/hugging her “lovey” in her crib when I lay her down for bed, as I say “sleepy time”. Her lovey (a washcloth-sized blankie w/lamb head) is her “self-soother” if she wakes in the middle of the night, NOT the milk.
I can attest to your advice…my old routine: bath+PJs, books, nurse my daughter (a wonderful experience) to sleep + put her in bed…but she’d wake up after “40-min” (just like you said). But when I switched to nursing her BEFORE her bath,books+bed, she started sleeping thru the night. If she woke during the night, she would reach for her lovey, and soothe back to sleep. All I did was put the nursing first, to separate the association for sleepy time (following steps in your program). So I still had the wonderful experience of nursing at bedtime, but her books are a visual cue, her lovey is a physical cue, and when I say “sleepy time” as I lay her in her crib, that’s a verbal cue that its sleepy time. It’s works well because she has these 3 cues for bedtime, not the milk! I believe that everything we do is habit-forming, and I didn’t want to create the habit of “needing milk” to fall asleep.
God for you that it worked, nursing my baby to sleep also works.
Hi there I was just wondering I have a one year old boy he has has chronic reflux all his life I have had to feed him to sleep from day one how do I stop this I have tried everything and nothing has worked.
i really hate thateverywhere i turn around people like u trying to tell me i’m doing it all wrong. i’m not i’m the mama i know my baby best and i’ll do what works for me. 5 or 10 months baby is not ready to sleep through the night but they will at some point they will get there eventually and i’m not gonna fell guilty cause i do thinks differently than u
Hear hear! X
I have nursedmy lo to sleep and unless she’s ill she only has one wake-up around 3-5 where she has a quick drink and it’s back on the crib. What’s the problem? It’s not forever, she’s not a dog to be trained she’s a baby tO be loved. If she wakes up half an hour later she hasn’t finished, I recommend just as she drops off on one side switch to ensure a full feed. My babe is now 10 months and looking to drop her night feed now she is loving solid food, most babies wake in the night up until the age of 1 even 2 it is unrealistic to expect all babies to sleep through. Also, if they are ill and waking frequently it’s the best way to get them to sleep as it helps keep their fluids up, I do not co sleep btw x
Once we started keeping the lights on while she was nursing while we read her a book and then turned them off, snuggled a bit, and then put her in bed, she started sleeping through the night.
I have nursed my daughter to sleep almost every single night of her 20 months in this world, and she sleeps at least 3 hours afterwards, sometimes 5. We then nurse for about 5 mins before we both fall back to sleep again until the morning. I don’t understand how parents get up in the middle of the night (sometimes more than once) to feed or change the baby- I would get NO sleep if she wasn’t right next to me. We love it, my husband has has had two sleepless nights since she was born- she was sick those nights. Otherwise, since she doesn’t cry when she wakes, he doesn’t wake at all. I wouldn’t change a thing!
it works for us.
Nursing my daughter to sleep is one of the most beautiful moments of my day. Wouldn’t change it for the world
Hi, Dana
This is exactly what’s happening with my Lo..
Once I’ve nursed her, she’ll will literally
wake up in less than half an hour.
When she wakes during the middle of the night
she needs to be nursed before falling asleep.
Struggling to break the habit
Thank you so much! I can’t wait to share with my friends who are new mommies!
I have a 5 month old who was sleeping through the night since she was 8 weeks. All of a sudden she starts hating her crib and wants to sleep with me. And when she soea sleep w me she clings to my clothes . why is this happening? She could be fully asleep and when we go to lay her in the. CRib she wakes and screams
I tried your system and it just made my baby more anxious . Now if I rock or lay down with him and let him nurse, he pulls away and rolls onto his tummy when he’s done, and sleeps most of the night! I’m guessing he feels secure this way, cause going to sleep any other way he’s up every hour or so!!
That’s how my LO sleeps and I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Do you have suggestions for helping older kids- 4 years or so, fall asleep? My daughter will go to bed but EVERY excuse is made to stay up and when we check on her she is playing…with anything from toys and dolls to sheets, socks and blankets.
How can I help her fall asleep quickly. At this point it takes anywhere from 2-4 hours for her to fall asleep and sometimes she’s up as late as midnight and yet she still has to be up at 7:45 am to go to daycare where she usually doesn’t nap.
Thanks,
Emily
You are fantastic, Dana. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge!
My 17 month old has always fallen asleep with his bottle. He absolutely will not fall asleep without one!! He would cry all night!!! He wakes up all the time. But doesn’t necessarily need a bottle to go back to sleep, as long as I and only I am laying next to him!! I need a full nights sleep and so does he!! How without letting him cry can I do that??
I do the bed time routine and my baby is awake when I put her to bed and then she starts her selfsothing. She rolls her head side to side and kicks up her feet and she is off to sleep.In about ten to fifteen minutes
My question is the one night time feed she is only four months and her doctor agrees she still needs the feed. So she goes from 6 to 7 hours and then she starts to stir which is her cue for ready to eat. I like to get her before the full wake up and treat this feed as a dream feed. I keep her swaddled and I burp and put back down.my question is should she be awake for this feed like the beginning of the night.
I regularly dream feed my LO, I just put my breast to his face and he ‘snuffles’ and latches on, all whilst still asleep. I suppose if you bottle feed, just gently tap the bottle teat on your LO’s lips. Might work!?
I breastfeed my five month old son but give a bottle of expressed milk as the dreamfeed about 10-10.30 pm and he is essentially asleep for that feed. His next feed is then around 7am. I have tried giving the dreamfeed as BF but he is too asleep to drink enough to get him through the night. With the bottle, we just gently touch his mouth with the teat, bit of milk will come out, he gets taste for it and then opens up for bottle. But it took a while to get to this – sometimes it has taken a good 5 minutes for him to open up and start drinking but now it’s in less than a minute most nights. He drinks about 80-100ml in about 10-15 minutes. This works well for us.
I would like know what is the best way to get my 10 month old daughter to sleep in her crib. I do a bedtime routine, i put her in her crib after her feeding, she is still awake at this time, but she cry’s herself to sleep. She will usually sleep for a few hours then she wakes up nurmerous times through out the night. when i let her sleep with me she sleeps all night, what am i doing wrong? As of now i sleep with my daughter cause i’m tired of making the countless trips up the stairs when she cries at night.
My son is the same way, so I sleep with him. they’re only babies for such a short time, they’ll grow out of it :)
I would really appreciate some help with bedtime routine with a 3 months old baby, a 2-year old and a 4-year old. My baby needs peace and quiet and winds down well and can Fall asleep alone but if the noise level is too high from older sieblings, baby gets frantic and cries. I have tried letting my 2 oldest children watch a movie in another room, give them a snack etc. but they get jealous and need me. I also tried having them all with me in bed while feeding baby and Reading books but it ends in fighting etc. your advice is highly appreciated! thanks mia
I used the sleep sense program with my first son from about 5 months, and with my second from birth. My second son started sleeping through the night on his own at 10 weeks, without any crying. It has been amazing. It really does work, but you have to stick with the program and be very consistent.
Traci, my oldest son is a crier. He has always woken up from naps and in the morning in tears. It actually stopped about 6 months ago when he started sharing his room with his younger brother. His brother has taught him how to wake up happy. Now I wake up to the sound of them playing instead of crying. I think some kids just have a harder time waking up than others.
I’m a working mom and only get an hour with my 7 month old daughter in the morning and 2 hours at night with her bedtime routine. Rocking her to the point of drowsiness is part of her routine. However, she goes down for naps herself and is fully capable of going back to sleep at night…in fact, she generally sleeps from 7:30pm to 4:30am without any problems. My only issue is she doesn’t need to get up until 6am, but she’s generally ready to be up at 4:30. I think she needs the extra sleep but she struggles with that last 1.5 hours. She’s not hungry as she can go until 6 without a bottle even if she doesn’t go back to sleep. She’s happy and chatty. Unfortunately our bad solution has been to bring her to bed with us and she’ll generally fall back asleep without any prodding (i.e. rocking, singing, etc), but if we leave her alone she will start crying. And going in to pat her on the back a few times is not enough to get her to fall back asleep. How do we extend her night sleep for that extra bit of time?
I do understand what you are saying, but my problem is that my daughter was sleeping through the night at 3 months old, then went through a growth spurt at 7 months abd woke up to eat, which lasted a week, then she slept a 2 or 3 nights, then started waking up again and won’t go back to sleep unless i feed her. What gives, and how can I stop that?
HI,
I started the sleep sense program when my daughter was 4 months old. Wish I had found it sooner though! I have a routine that we have followed for the past year. She eats her dinner around 5pm, gets a few cookies and milk at 6:30pm then its bathtime at 7pm. This works for her and sometimes she will sleep thru. She’s smart and knows when something is missed! LOL
I feed my son to sleep since birth, and he has slept through the night since 2months.
Why does breast milk contain nucleotides (sleep-inducing) if it is NOT meant to induce sleep?
What is so wrong with breast-feeding your baby to sleep? Surely, this is what we are biologically programmed to do?
Simple: When a baby falls asleep during breastfeeding, they start associating breast + sleep. If a baby wakes up at 1am or 3am or 4am or 5am, they may need you to breastfeed them in order for them to go back to sleep. They need to learn how to calm down, switch off and fall asleep without breastfeeding or any other external props. If you have a baby who falls asleep during a feed and sleeps through the night, then you are lucky and it is not a problem for you and your baby. But most people are not that lucky. Also, there is no guarantee that a baby who goes to sleep during a feed and sleeps through the night is going to be doing that all the time. When your baby wakes up during the night due to teething or bad dreams etc, you way find that you need to feed them to go back to sleep. But if they are not hungery, they won’t want to be fed and won’t know how to go back to sleep. That’s why feeding babies to sleep is potentially a slippery slope.
Hear hear! *2 thumbs up!*
couldn’t have said it any better than Shona!
I’m kind of surprised that so many people are critising this. I don’t follow this program (but do have a flexible routine with my five month old that we started at 2 months when he started not sleeping during the day unless being held), but think that not feeding to sleep every night is a good idea. Why? Friends of ours are currently struggling with bed time for their 19 month old daughter because she was fed to sleep up until recently. Her dad can’t put her to bed, she will only settle with mum rocking and patting her. Hard work for the mum!
Having said this, there are times when my son feeds to sleep (usually when he hasn’t had late afternoon nap) and often he will stir a lot more in the few hours between bedtime and dreamfeed time. It is lovely when they fall asleep on you, they are so adorable and growing so fast, but there’s no way I want to do that every night for the next few years.
I definitely believe in doing what works for you and your baby – we are all different. I think like any sleep program, this one can work well for parents who are struggling and are not sure what to do to help the situation.
I have a one year old who is now a great sleeper, thanks to the sleep sense program (also used it with my now 6 year old who is a champion sleeper)…..but my problem is that my one year old wakes up after about 11 1/2 hours of sleep or a 2 hour nap just screaming. Almost all of the time, he does this. I think he is getting plenty of sleep, and maybe he is just a hard guy to awaken? Anyone else have a screamer upon rising?
Hi Dana:
My daughter is 4 years old now but when she was only a baby up till 2 1/2 years old – I experienced many sleepless nights. After watching your video, I realize that I was making the same mistakes as some other mothers’ are currently making – feeding my baby to sleep. It never occurred to me then that that was the reason my daughter would wake up every 2-3 hours throughout the night. Parents, make the change now, otherwise, it would only be harder for you to make the change as they get older.
My experience:
When my daughter was 2 1/2 yrs. old – I realize I was going through a vicious cycle of having no sleep. I started to make changes to her bedtime routine by allowing my daughter to sleep on her own without the bottle (feeding) routine prior to bed (as Dana’s video suggested). It was painful but worth it. In addition to removing the bottling feeding routine, I also had to keep the bedtime routine short and sweet. I did not lie down to cuddle with my child till she falls to sleep (which she got used to). Instead, I said my goodnight; left the door open, kept the room dim and I would stay in her room (and every once in awhile I would softly say “You’re ok honey, go to sleep…then I would keep silent) while she cried herself to sleep. I repeated the same routine every night and situate myself further and further away from my daughter’s door until 2 weeks into it, I was no longer visible to her and from that point on – my daughter have been sleeping wonderfully throughout the night and so have I. She now sleeps at least 10 hours sleep every night – it is a huge relief. Everyone is feeling well rested in the morning. :)
Thank you for your story Vanessa. My daughter sounds very similar to your daughter. She is almost 2 years old and every night she still wakes 2-3 times and I usually end up sleeping in her bed and having the worst sleep ever! I feel like a zombie! I still breast feed her to sleep (and lay with her until she’s sleeping and then sneak out of her room)and I know that’s the problem, I just can’t deal with her crying so I usually give in. I know something has to change but I am so tired and it overwhelms me to think of sleep training her. I keep thinking maybe it’s too late, but your story gives me some hope! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Vanessa,
I have a1 and 4 months son with the same story, I am still breastfeeding him to go to sleep otherwise he wont, it seems he can’t sleep with out that even if he is extremely tired, so he wakes every 1 and half hour or if I am lucky I may get 2 or 3 hours sleep but most of the time NO, I am so tired I know my mistake but I don’t know what to do, I tried to let him cry for some time to go to sleep but he wont. He screams and cry badly and need me even for 1 minutes to go to sleep. I am tired and can’t stand more, I don’t know what can I do ? and how Can i teach him to sleep by himself. !!!??? please anyone who can get me some advice I do appreciate.
I am not enjoying motherhood due to all of these sleepless nights and days with out any help…
my 5 month old’s routine starts at 6.20pm we do bath time , pj’s then i always offer bottle so she is full before goingto sleep thinking she will sleep longer but she still wakes up between 12 and 3 and sometimes for 2 feeds, i will be breaking this up from now on with a book, thank you
I have a 2 year old who I recently had to transition into a toddler bed. I was so concerned because training my daughter to stay in her toddler bed was a week long nightmare! Anyhow, He was actually way better than I expected. I put him in bed after the normal routine in which I give him a bath, then I give him a bottle in the living room while he watches cartoons–Then at 9:00pm every night I bring him to his room. Put the pacifier in his mouth and rock him for about 2 minutes with hugs. He he FULLY AWAKE and I put him in the toddler bed. I tuck him in and he stays in the bed. He gave me a hard time for about 2 nights. He would come out of the bed..I went in 2 times comforting him and hugged him back to his bed. After the 3rd time, I didn’t communicate, I just put him back in his bed. It worked (as it did with my daughter) HOWEVER, he still wakes up at night! I let him cry at least 5 minutes (sometimes he goes back to sleep and sometimes he gets out of the bed and waits for me to tuck him in. I can’t sleep through the crying so it seems easier to go in–Pat his back and put him back to bed. When I leave he is awake and stays in bed. I am really longing to have 7 to 8 hours of sleep. Will it ever happen?? What am I doing wrong?? I thought I was doing the right thing, so why won’t he stay asleep? I don’t rock him to sleep. He puts himself to sleep. There is no bottle in his room. Please help.
When they were about 6 months old, I would do the bath first, then the bottle in their rooms so that after I could wipe their gums with a wash cloth, then do the reading last. When they were old enough for water, I would give them a little water after their milk to rinse their mouth, then when their first tooth erupted I would take a toothbrush after their bottle/sippy cup of milk. The books were always the last thing so that lights were always on till it was time to put them in the crib. Good luck to you all.
I follow this advice but my 9 month old is still waking up one to two times a night. I never nurse her to sleep, she is always put back in her crib awake and she falls asleep on her own. I’m blaming it on teeth right now, but I think that excuse will only last so long.